Mario: The Musical
by The-Magnificent-Jiggy-Sock
Summary: Here it is, in all of it's glory, Mario: The Musical. Watch as Mario and Luigi embark on a musical adventure to defeat Bowser, once and for all.


Mario: The Musical  
  
(THE CURTAIN RISES, THE APPLAUSE DIES DOWN, AND THE MUSICAL BEGINS)  
  
(MARIO IS STANDING IN THE SPOTLIGHT IN THE CENTER OF THE STAGE. HE BEGINS TO SING)  
  
MARIO  
  
When I was a little boy  
  
Growing up in Italy  
  
I dreamed of fixing toiletries  
  
For large, unnessecary fees  
  
Oh, I want to be a plumber  
  
Grab a wrench and a hammer  
  
Fix away all the problems in the world  
  
I'll make all the toilets, run in unison  
  
I'll fix all the pipes, the water soon will run  
  
I WANT TO BE A PLUMBER, FOR THE WORLD!  
  
LUIGI  
  
Can't you see?  
  
How happy he'd be?   
  
If he was a plumber!  
  
He'd wrench out happiness  
  
For a small fee  
  
That would cost a lot, with taxes, you see  
  
Oh, let him be a plumber  
  
For the gods and people  
  
Let him be the plumber  
  
that wrenches our ssooouuulllsss!  
  
MARIO  
  
I'll travel around the world  
  
Jumping in pipes, and fixing types  
  
Of Toilets 'round the globe  
  
Everyone will shout  
  
Everyone will scream  
  
HERE COMES MARIO  
  
THE PLLLLUUUUUMMMMBBBBEEERRR!  
  
(THE AUDIENCE CHEERS. MARIO WALKS OFF STAGE. BOWSER WALKS ON, HE HAS THE PRINCESS CHAINED UP. HE BEGINS TO SING TO HER.)  
  
BOWSER  
  
So what do we have here?   
  
A princess full of fear  
  
My treasure that I stole  
  
She's worth a lump of coal  
  
I'll make her my own bride  
  
Then her ransom I will hide  
  
I'll make her a queen  
  
When I become king  
  
So this evil song I sing  
  
PRINCESS  
  
Bowser, you're nothing but a bully  
  
Soon you'll meet your match, and DIEEEEEE!  
  
But until that moment comes  
  
I'll make sure the marriage comes undone  
  
Because I won't be a queen for you!  
  
BOWSER  
  
Hahaha, you ugly bitch  
  
You tried to become a snitch  
  
Well, I'll tell you something right now  
  
If anyone comes, I'll hit 'em with a POW  
  
Because I'm BOWSER!  
  
BACKUP SINGERS  
  
He's BOWSER!  
  
BOWSER  
  
I'm Bowser, the meanest guy around.  
  
(LUIGI AND MARIO ENTER THE STAGE, CARRYING WRENCHES. THEY BEGIN TO SING)  
  
MARIO AND LUIGI  
  
We are brothers, Till the end  
  
We'll fix the toilets, pipes will bend  
  
We'll travel across the world, pipes will mend!  
  
We are the Mario Bros.  
  
Heros for the world  
  
We'll beat up bad guys and make them hurt  
  
With the ladies we will flirt!  
  
MARIO (STARTING TO RAP)  
  
Boom Boom Chee  
  
Boom Boom, Chee Chee  
  
I'm Mario, see  
  
And I'm here to say  
  
I'm here to spread happiness across the US of A  
  
If you mess with me  
  
I'll mess with you  
  
Shoot you in the face  
  
Spray your eyes with mace  
  
Breakdown  
  
LUIGI (CONTINUING THE RAP)  
  
My brother's right  
  
We'll put up a fight  
  
Shoot you with a 9  
  
Bullet in yo' spine  
  
We're the toughest bitches  
  
To reclaim the riches  
  
We're the rockin' plumbers   
  
You the fools we pity  
  
MARIO AND LUIGI (BACK TO SINGING)  
  
We're going to make it after all!  
  
(SUDDENLY, TOAD WALKS IN FRONT OF THEM, CRYING. HE BEGINS TO SING)  
  
TOAD  
  
You brave heros, have come tonight  
  
Today the princess, was stolen alright  
  
We need some heros, to bring her back  
  
Beat up Bowser, kick him in the SSSAAACCCCKKK!  
  
MARIO  
  
Princess Peach? I know her well  
  
I love her sweetly, she sure is swell  
  
To Bowser's castle we will treck  
  
Beat up Bowser, Send him to HEEEECCCCKKK!  
  
LUIGI  
  
I will come to, and help save the day  
  
Bowser will die, Bowser will pay  
  
The princess will be returned, Safe as before  
  
I just really wish, she is not a WHHHOOORRREEE!  
  
TOAD  
  
You two are so brave, heros you are  
  
For no reason, here's Ringo Starr!  
  
RINGO STARR (RAPPING)  
  
The name's Ringo, I'm the Starr of the Show  
  
Why am I doing this? I've really sunk low  
  
I used to be in the Beatles, now I'm here today  
  
I'm only here, because I get really good pay!  
  
Hanging with the Starr Man  
  
Bling Blinging it  
  
(BOWSER AND PEACH ENTER THE STAGE. MARIO AND LUIGI ENTER. EVERYONE BEGINS TO SING)  
  
MARIO  
  
Here we are Princess, you're heros today  
  
Bowser, get ready, we'll make you pay!  
  
I have a wrench, and a mighty pounce  
  
Don't wash clothes in Tide, always use BBBBBOOOOOUUUUNNNCCEEE!  
  
BOWSER  
  
Mwahaha, you're as scary as a cat  
  
About as ugly as Bob Saget  
  
Prepare to die, you ugly mofos   
  
As I ready, my attacking pose!  
  
LUIGI  
  
Why am I here? I'm shaking in fear  
  
Bowser is scary, and Princess is HAAIIRRYYY  
  
Oh, I'm running away  
  
I'm running away  
  
I'm going to Mexico  
  
I'm going to Key Largo  
  
I'm going to France  
  
Where the frenchmen prance  
  
I'm running away  
  
(LUIGI RUNS AWAY)  
  
BOWSER  
  
It's just me and you, no more two  
  
Your brother was a coward, and you're one too  
  
I'll mash you, bash you, give you a rash  
  
I'll make you eat feces, and force you to watch M*A*SH  
  
MARIO  
  
How did you know, my only weakness?   
  
M*A*S*H makes me weak, I hate Alan Alda...  
  
Oh, how can I go on?   
  
How can I go on?  
  
When M*A*S*H is ooooonnnnnn?  
  
PRINCESS  
  
Mario, Oh Mario!  
  
Get up off your ass  
  
In case you didn't notice  
  
I'm still Bowser's lass  
  
Save me, oh save me  
  
I need your magical touch  
  
Take me away from this place  
  
Or I'll stab you in the FFAAACCCEEE!  
  
MARIO  
  
Princess is right, Bowser you'll pay  
  
Draw up your weapon, TOOUUCCCHHHEE!  
  
(MARIO AND BOWSER BEGIN TO HAVE A SWORDFIGHT. MARIO STABS BOWSER)  
  
BOWSER  
  
What is this red coming out of my wound?  
  
Is it ketchup, blood, or Tabasco sauce?  
  
I'm in need of medical attention  
  
(BOWSER DIES)  
  
MARIO  
  
Ding dong, the beast is dead  
  
Put a sword in his head  
  
Let's all sing a jolly song  
  
As his corpse rots  
  
PRINCESS  
  
Ding Dong, you saved me Mario  
  
I knew you were a hero  
  
Now take me away  
  
Back to home  
  
Where I can boss around Toad   
  
We'll cut up Bowser's carcass  
  
And sell his bones for money  
  
LUIGI  
  
I am Back, to save the day  
  
Oh my god, Bowser is dead!  
  
I've come to late, I am such a coward  
  
Oh how I wish, my name was HOOOWWAARRDD  
  
(MARIO AND PRINCESS LAUGH. EVERYONE WALKS OFF STAGE, EXCEPT MARIO)  
  
MARIO  
  
When I was a little boy  
  
Growing up in Italy  
  
I dreamed of fixing toiletries  
  
For large, unnessecary fees  
  
And now here I am  
  
A hero for the ages  
  
I hope you enjoyed the show  
  
Tip the waiters, they make minimum WAAAAGGGGEEEEESSSSS!  
  
(THE AUDIENCE CHEERS AS THE CURTAIN CLOSES) 


End file.
